SIngle mom and mothers day.

I just have to say that holidays as a whole are hard for single moms that are doing all the parenting alone.  To me, it is a rough one to be reminded that I am doing this alone.  Yes, I made the choice to move away, but I didn’t make the choices that lead me to decide to move the boys away from the destruction.   I would very much loved to co-parent and have this great friendship.  I tear up when I see some lucky people that put their past behind them, put in the work, and made it through to the other side with no issues and maybe even a stronger relationship than what they had when they were together. 

It can hint at all of a single mom’s insecurities and provoke such thoughts, as the ones that I have all of the time. I’m not the mother I want to be. I failed my children. The grief of losing a 15-year marriage still haunts me to this day.  I know it was what was best for myself and the boys but somedays the history and love of a family for so long as we did is a hard loss even 5 years later.  

The first Mother’s day I spent alone with the boys we went to church, the pastor called all of us Moms all up to the altar so that we could be recognized as a mother.  This use to sting as a woman that couldn’t carry a baby that never thought that she could have babies of her own. I ached my entire life to become a mom.  I remember fondly of my first mother’s day as a mother of the boys and how my heart felt so full and the picture they took at our church is still one of my most treasured and loved.  The first mother's day that they were in preschool that they both were able to make me something and color their own handmade cards. 


But, when I was standing on the altar shoulder to shoulder to my other mom's from church that I had spent one morning every week with for a few years I at first felt so happy and proud and then the husbands came up and gave them flowers.  Each husband praying over their wives.  I started to cry I could not hold it in. It hit me that right there at that moment that I was in this alone.   I was on that altar the only one who no longer had a husband.    One of the loneliest moments of my life. Wondering. What was I supposed to take away from this?

Mother’s Day is an Awkward holiday for single moms because without a father, without a husband you are on your own with the kids. There is no one to encourage your children or plan something, not even a simple thing as letting you sleep in.  There is no one but you to guide your children to prepare for the day. Now you are doing it for the kids to feel special for making you feel special.  


It hurts to feel sadness.  After the brunch you attend or church picnic, you and the kids still go home, you still do the stressful parts of the day, then the night time routine and when we are not in a world lockdown they go to school the next day leaving you to make lunches, get their clothes ready, storytime with the “Mommy can you read us another story? Can I have a cup of water.”  When going out with the kids makes a mom tired on a normal day. 

The most difficult part about being a single mom for me is the feeling of pressure all of the things you are responsible for. It is all on me,  providing, nurturing, caring for, teaching, disciplining — it always feels like there is never a safe place to just be.

Being a single mom can be crushing. 


So for Mother’s Day this year, I want to gently, lovingly say, you are not alone. No matter if you never had a father for your children their entire life, even if there is not any involvement on his part at all now, and never will. YOU are NEVER ALONE!

You are never alone because you have those gifts that every day you are thankful for.  That on the good and the bad days they are there with you. They are your persons. They are your ride or die.  They look to you for love and truthfully you are the one they look for in a crowd when they are at a school play and nothing is purer than the way their face lights up when they meet your eyes.  You are the one that gets the cuddles and love when they need it most.  So on Mother’s day, this year look at your children and realize that when we are all stuck at home there isn’t anywhere else those babies of yours would want to be. ( No matter what they may say) 

This Sunday I will rest; I will eat the burnt toast that they make me.  We will cuddle and watch Mary Poppins for the 100^th time. We will get some home-made gifts and we will do what we do every day and love each other.  I hope you all have a great Mother's day as we are in a stay in place still.  I hope that you are able to see the blessings you created.  That you see you are a wonderful loving mom!