Well, When I wake up in the morning I will be 43 years old. My 42nd year was a very big year of growth. Times I didn't think I would make it. Then something great happened, after I was strong enough to follow my son and how brave he was by going to therapy, I looked at this sweet 8-year-old boy realizing that "he is my hero if he can do this hard work so can I" So I did the work and sat in a chair talking about everything for months. I still do. It is the best thing I could have done for myself and the boys. Now both boys are in it as well and as a family, we are healthier than ever before. I never realized how much we had gone through. So I am here happy, in the best place I have been in years, the best headspace I have been into so long. Life hasn't been this great in such a long time, especially with the boys. This is the best thing over the year is that both of the boys have started to grow and not have as much fear as they had when we lived back home or at first when we were adjusting to our new lives here. We have my parents this year especially supportive for the boys and I. This past year I have learned to love myself, the boys seeing the difference in me has helped them as well. They are less stressed, Seeing a happy mom again has really made them have so much less anxiety. I feel very happy to get this new start and this year taught me some amazing things. So here are a few answered questions about what I feel I have learned and done over this past year.
I was asked a few questions about my birthday and to reflect on what the past year has been about for me. I hadn't thought about the growth and change until this thought-provoking question. Sorry, this post is a little heavy. Catch me back here in a year... I can not wait to see what we have done by then.
What made you feel most alive over the last year? Well, this past year has been a year of much growth. When I moved from everything the boys or I have ever known I was fearful but also I felt alive with the possibility of a brand new life. The summer was hard and about two months after moving down here I couldn't afford the apartment anymore. Graciously my parents let the boys & I move in with them. Things I needed to get done I had been able to do. I didn't really make any friends until about November-December when I started to work at the school they boys go to. Being able to help in classrooms and assist the teachers made me feel like getting up in the morning again. I made two of my best friends down here at school and I really started to feel like Vegas is home for me, I had joined the PTO, so in February I felt like we were golden and that I finally made the right choice. I was over the person I thought I would spend this next chapter with, walking away and feeling blessed that he and his family had been such a great part of my life but okay that it was over. I have slowly started to build my community Both boys and myself have made some of the best friends we have ever had here. Working on myself I realized I know my worth now and I know what I bring to a relationship so I for the first time will not be settling for just anyone. I got the list! I also wrote my first children's book and it will be a series of 8 then a spinoff of ten more books after that! I guess the whole year has ebbed and flowed finding myself near death and then more alive than I have felt in a long time.
What was the best advice you were given this year? I was told a lot of great things but I will settle on just a few 1) I was told to give Vegas a year and not to judge it to harshly at first that I would make friends and end of loving it. "Frank-my dad" 2) That I needed to write down my goals every day and manifest what I truly want in life, make a vision board, and follow-through with what I say I am going to do." A very good friend. 3) Write the fucking books "My amazing friend C 4) Go to Alaska and don't wait to buy the tickets. "My therapist" & my Jess that lives there!
What gifts have you given others this year? I would have to say that I have given just a handful of people the gift of friendship. It was so hard to leave the friends I have had back home that it took me a minute to make a few new ones to treasure here. The second thing I have given to people is my time. I have given my time at school, to teachers that needed me to parents that needed help, giving my time to the boy's school, but doing that it also gave me a gift back as well. Our school and the people in it made us feel welcomed, at home, as part of their community, they made three abused humans feel like we belonged. I felt safe and never had a fear that I had lived with at home while the boys were in school. The stress of that fear went away about a month into the school year. This school did so much for the three of us and none of them will ever truly know what they did and how they made three people that we're new here so welcomed and part of something that the three of us all needed. I gave them my time no questions asked there some times every single day of the week. Knowing most of the kids in the 2nd grade, Hearing Hi Ms. Stacey or Hi Franky and Brocks mom. It broke my heart when we stopped school because of COVID. I hope it will pass as soon as possible so we can get to the most normal life we can get back to. We need our school friends, teachers, our village and community
Who has inspired me the most this year? I have to say that this might sound a little full of myself but I have to say that I inspired myself. I was lost a year ago, I never had any of my life put together for such a long time. When I got divorced I completely lost myself, I had been with the boy's father for 15 years when we split. That took some courage but then I choose not to really dig into what I needed to dig into, to do more work on myself. I have always been business-minded. I owned a small photography studio and boutique in the town I grew up in. I think I inspired myself to complete my goals, by working on my website for the photography business, the blog website up and soon I will be working on my author website soon. I inspired myself to get the children's book series started, at the end of 2021 I will have 3 or 4 of the series completed. I would like to also get the novel I have been working on it for about 2 years will be published by the end of 2021. I just want to push myself to make my dreams come true. Hard work will keep me getting things done.
So I started with some small things, my blog is now brought back to life after years of it being on the shelf waiting for me to come back. My photography with a game plan to make it a success here. I made a good living doing this back home, so I want to make it happen here. I feel like it will be in good shape in a year. Then my novel I started a few years ago had been picked back up. A new idea comes to me and I will be published in April of 2021.
I have inspired myself to truly become the best version of myself. I use to be this person before when I was about 17 years old before I had changed so much and became unrecognizable before I gave up on myself. I am inspired by my new lease on life, the new person this hard work has allowed me to once again become. I am inspired to continue to stay on track and how much work I finally did to start my life over. I am looking forward to redoing these questions next year and see how far I have become.
Name ten things that make you happy & you love to do on your birthday!
1) Fancy coffee from a coffee shop
2) Breakfast with the boys
3) Sleeping in a little
4) Getting a homemade card from the boys
5) A certain cake from home I would get every year.
6) To be able to read a little of a book I am reading in silence ( Also the Facebook posts and text messages from friends)
7) Dinner out & kids free
8) A mani and pedicure, along with a massage and facial.
9) I love to be at the ocean for the weekend of my birthday.
10) A day trip to somewhere I have never been or a place I love and want to go to a million more times.
Usually, we went to Sequim Washington and went to the beach there. At the end of the day after looking at lavender and taking beautiful pictures of the lovely town we would go the back way to Port Townsend. We would go get Thai food to eat at Glass beach then if the tide was out we would look for sea glass and if it wasn't we would wade ( I would swim) making it a special day. Funny I always want to be near water.
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